As I consider WHAT to focus on during our weekly family time together, there are three things that come to mind that are important to me to share and teach to our children: They are Worshiping together, Working together, and Playing together. And together is an important word. Sometimes I think we teach too much competition and not enough cooperation.

In the last conference Elder Rex D. Pinegar gave a talk called “The Simple Things.” He said, “Obedience in doing the simple things has always been the means of obtaining the blessings of the Lord. Remember the story of Naaman, a captain for the king of Syria-- “A great man with his master,...because by him the Lord had given deliverance unto Syria:...a Mighty man in valour, but...a leper” (2 Kings 5:1) At the direction of his king, Naaman went to Elisha the prophet to be healed of his dreaded affliction.

“So Naaman came with his horses and with his chariot, and stood at the door of the house of Elisha. And Elisha sent a messenger unto him, saying, Go and wash in Jordan seven times, and thy flesh shall come again to thee, and thou shalt be clean. But Naaman was wroth,...and said, Behold, I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and stroke his hand over the place, and recover the leper...And his servants came near,...and said, if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? How much rather then, when he saith to thee, Wash, a1994 -- Family Home Eveningnd be clean?

Are we not sometimes like Naaman, looking for big or important things to do and bypassing simple things which could change our lives and heal us of our afflictions? Focusing our attention on teaching and living the simple messages of the Savior in our homes will strengthen our families, perfect the society in which we live, and improve ourselves. It will enable us to successfully combat the erosion of the family, which President Hunter has said is the greatest challenge in the world today. Our first line of defense in a world of spiritual and moral decay is and will continue to be the family.

Like Naaman, we have been counseled by our prophets to do simple things which do matter. Parents have been counseled to set aside one night each week to teach fundamental gospel principles to their children. The First Presidency has stated: “No Church organization can supplant the parents in discharging this obligation., The best the Church can do is to give every aid possible so that the parents will be left without excuse in discharging this most sacred and vital work of building a solid foundation in the home. As we faithfully hold quality family home evenings, we “will gain strength to withstand the temptations of the world and will receive many blessings which will help qualify us to enjoy our families through eternity in the Celestial Kingdom.

Another simple thing we can do is to have daily family prayer. “ Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed.” President Benson promised that we can keep our children close to us and to the Lord and that we will receive blessings hitherto unknown if we will faithfully read the Book of Mormon together and abide by its precepts. He said that in the Book of Mormon we will “find great power, great comfort, and great protection.”

There is a book called “If the Gospel is True, Why Do I Hurt So Much”. It is help for dysfunctional LatterDay Saint Families. (And I think we are all dysfunctional in one way or another and at one time or another) In it the author identifies some of the most common difficulties in negative family relationships, then offers suggestions for dealing with them effectively. And she discusses how the Gospel can truly help. But there is one thing that I think she missed the mark:

We belong to a church that puts commitment to family second only to commitment to Christ. We have been taught that if we live the principles of the gospel, enter into the ordinances, and keep the outward observances, we will have happy, successful families. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Faithfully doing Church work, for example, doesn’t compensate for lack of knowledge about how relationships work--or lack of effort toward making them work. When President Benson exhorted Church members to read the Book of Mormon as families and promised them blessings if they would, my husband and I renewed our efforts to get our children together for morning scripture reading. I reacall a week when we actually read the Book or Mormon seven days out of seven! However, that accomplishment did not provide us with the tools we needed to understand and resolve our family difficulties. And the fact that we were obedient to President Benson’s call, yet failed to improve our situation, added to our burden of sorrow and frustration. Church members who are striving unsuccessfully to create a “forever family” feel separated from those whose family lives are healthy and happy. They are plagued by grave doubts about themselves and the Church., They listen with heavy hearts to testimonies, to missionary farewell speeches, and to Mother’s and Father’s Day talks. The words of hope, love, and happiness seem directed to everyone else but them. “

I believe there are blessed by following the prophet first simply because we are being obedient, and second we are inviting the spirit to help us with whatever we are in need of: our marriage, parenting problems, our dysfunctional families, and I believe we can be helped in very specific ways through the spirit, whether it is being prompted to discuss an issue with a child, reading a book that can help a relationship or getting counseling from a bishop or a professional.
As a member of Christ’s church I would hate to think that I was trying to find a solution to a family problem without seeking His spirit and without first following the simple counsel from His prophet.

Elder Pinegar said, of President Benson’s promise, “As we read of the Lord, hear His words, and learn His teachings, we will receive the peaceful spirit of truth and faith in our homes and in our hearts. We will learn what Jesus would have us do, what he would have us say

Working together is the one we struggle most with. We don’t always work well together. It seems someone is often watching too closely to make sure they are not doing more work than than another, because that just wouldn’t be fair! How many times do we say to our children, Life’s not fair! We need to do more than that.

Our family has a trip we have always wanted to take. During a recent family home evening we decided that if we all contribute part of our money from jobs and allowances that we could go next fall. We took on two more paper routes to add to the one we already had, and decided we would all help. This is when I realized how much work it is to teach children to work together and not give up. Most of them have already quit once or twice, so we have had numerous discussions, reminding them of what we are looking forward to, and that everyone has to help or none of us will go.

It was exciting to see our boys spending hours together working in the garage on an almost bullet proof box to keep our money in so that no one can get into it. (We just need to transfer that enthusiasm to getting the newspapers on the porches and collecting the money! )

In the Ensign a few years ago is a story of a family who worked together. The author was 11 years old when his just divorced mom moved with her eight children, ages 1 to 19 to a new city. He said: “I have many wonderful memories of those years --of family, school, church and friends--but, strangely enough, it is the yard at our house that evokes some of my deepest memories. These experiences are not necessarily the most memorable, but they are the most unforgettable. My first memory of the yard is from right after we moved into our new home. It had a kind of natural aesthetic appeal--a homey atmosphere of dirt mounds punctuated with interesting rock formations. I had hoped to keep it that way but Mom said “We’re going to plant grass. We children were amazed, and I dared query how we could possible accomplish that, considering all the mounds, rocks, and weeds. Mother smiled mysteriously. I got nervous. Well, out came the shovels and rakes, and we proceeded to become acquainted with the Yard. We were convinced that Mom broke every child-labor law in making us pick up big rocks and rake small ones into piles. Well, they finally got it leveled, planted, and and watered. When the green started coming they were so proud until they realized that the tiny blades became wider and soon most of the lawn was covered with weeds. He said, “Mom again hit onto a plan. I believe that my older brother Wes was the first to learn of this plan. He had asked Mom for permission to go play somewhere. She was obliging--that will be fine, right after you pull two full buckets of weeks for me. The rest of us became aware of the plan as we heard ranting and raving fill the house. Then, for the benefit of us all, Mom went on to define a “full bucket”: it was a bucket of tightly compacted weeds, not one in which the weeks were carefully positioned to give the appearance of being full. Soon everything had a price. Incredibly the day finally came when the Yard exhausted its weed supply. We felt that it was time to rest from our labors. Foolish us. The next day, under mysterious circumstances, a biblical quote appeared on the refrigerator door. It read simply, “He that is idle shall not eat the wheat of the laborer.” By simple deductive reasoning we figured out who made the wheat bread and so, therefore, was the laborer. Taking the message literally, we figured that we kids had the best of the deal--no more wheat bread! The following day, though the quote was amended to read “food” in place of wheat. There was great wailing and gnashing of teeth. Her next great idea was digging in the yard--ditch digging, shrub-hole digging, foundation digging, and most important, garden digging which she quaintly called “roto-tilling.” This quote from Brigham Young became her rallying cry: “It is better to dig a ditch and fill it in and dig it again, rather than do nothing.” They also together dug the foundation for the carport., He ends the article with this: Yes working in the Yard supplied me with many unforgettable experiences. But I can’t figure out why our lawn, garden and carport are some of the best looking in the neighborhood. There must be a moral hidden somewhere in these memories. Could it possibly be the importance of work in helping children to turn out right?”

Now the third important together time for families: playing together. I was interested in an article in the Brigham Young Magazine called: Keep This From Your Kids: All Work and No Play Strains Family Life. “Harold Smith clearly remembers the day he and his wife, Dianne, planned a family outing to Mt. Rainier. Nine children, ranging in age from a 16 year old to a newborn, gaped in wonder as their 11 year old brother ran across the backyard screaming “I’m not going! I’m not going!” Ward Cleaver may have tried reasoning with the wayward son; Cliff Huxtable would have surely said something clever to coax the young boy--somewhere between a Blazer B and pre-puberty deaconhood--back into the fold. Harold simply grabbed his son by the nape of the neck and dragged him to the family van because, he said, “We’re going to go on this family activity together!” Eight years later, Dianne who teaches parenting classes at BYU and Harold, the department chair of BYU’s recreation management and youth leadership department, are still operating on the old axiom “The family that plays together, stays together.” They base their work in part, on something Brigham Young said: “Your days should be eight hours sleep, eight hours work, and eight hours recreation.” In teaching her students the importance of family recreation, Dianne often draws a picture of a scale resembling the “Scale of Justice” that signifies balance. Activities like reading together, camping, and playing basketball in the backyard act as so many weights on one side of the scale, the accumulation of which constitute positive experiences in the family. When a crisis occurs, the event is still outweighed by the collection of positive family experiences. But, as Harold learned from the son who ran screaming through the backyard--and who incidentally had the best time of all--achieving family togetherness isn’t an easy task. “The whole idea of having recreation and recreation being a bonding, cohesive experience isn’t automatic.” Even though this kind of together time is less structured, less threatening, and more fun, it is a time when you can share values in a way that is different--and remember it must be planned.. If it is not it tends to end up being video or TV time, which may be relaxing but isn’t a playing together activity.

We have been given plenty of resources for our Home Evenings. Church videos, manuals, pictures, scripture stories, and endless helps in our church magazines. Each family needs to figure out when and how on their own. Some set aside time on Sundays for spiritual learning and a formal lesson and then Monday night is for fun or recreation together. One family, who was having a hard time making time for family scripture reading found that their Family Home Evening was the best time each week to read the scriptures together and study and discuss in depth some of the concepts and stories. The mom said she knew it was a success when their brownies sat on the cupboard untouched for over an hour while they discussed an important principle they had just read about.

In this month’s Ensign there is a picture of Christ walking on the water and the scripture from Matthew chapter 14: Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away...In the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw him...they cried out for fear. But...Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And...he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid, and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him”.

I think that sometimes concerning our families, when we see the wind become boisterous, we too become afraid, and we might begin to sink, and if we are following Christ, as these disciples were, and if we, as Peter did cry, “Lord save me” Christ will stretch forth his hand and He will save us. But I might be afraid to ask if we are not already doing the simple things that Christ’s prophets have asked us to do.

by Sally O Meservy