A Talk Given by Keith H. Meservy at the funeral of Sally Oxborrow Meservy
(Slightly revised to make the intended meaning clear)

November 12, 2002

Mike asked me to speak about Sally’s life in the context of the things in which she deeply believed: her Father in heaven, the power of love, and the Gospel--God’s good news, news especially important to those of us who are trying to absorb the sudden, violent loss of Sally, Bob, and Aunt Edith while we only see through a very dark glass.

At times likes these we depend on the depth of our faith in God, his love, and his all inclusive plan to help us overcome this trial of our faith when it is hurting so much.

The good news of God, found in Scriptures and teachings of Living Prophets, is vital because when confirmed by the spirit of God it provides God’s kind of peace, the peace that passeth understanding. It heals broken hearts and calms troubled minds. For good reason Jesus invited: “Come unto me, all ye that . . .are heavy laden, . . .and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” (Matthew 11:28 - 30) May the spirit of his peace accompany my remarks this day.

WE NEED ORIENTATION

There is a craving in all of us to be oriented correctly, to be pointed in the right directions. I’d like to reflect on ways in which Sally satisfied this need in her life.

Having been reared by godly parents, she knew who she was, where she wanted to go, and which path she needed to take to get there. And, from time to time, she testified of these things that she deeply believed.

She knew that her life in this world would come to an end, but, she also knew that she would never die. She was created to live eternally and she lived her life accordingly, focusing her mind and spirit on what she needed to do to prepare for entrance into that everlasting world. She never allowed herself to be seriously distracted by anything this world had to offer. She knew she needed to refine her soul and with God’s help set out to do it. Nothing that’s happened to her body in that car accident in Layton has changed any of this.

The Articles of Faith by which she governed her life included belief in “God, the Eternal Father.” She knew he was her Father. And, she knew her Father well enough to trust him with the most important thing she had–her very own soul, letting him guide her wherever she walked and serving him with all her strength and love. His values–love, service, and family--were her values, as this notice posted on the wall of her home testifies. It was written by someone else but she used it to remind herself and her precious loved ones how dear each of them was to each other.

“The happiest times in our lives do not come from personal possession and wealth but rather they come from our relationships with our family and friends.”

This sentiment dominated her life.

Hugh B. Brown tells of another kind of person--a man who didn’t know that love, family, and service are the most important human values and lived to regret his ignorance. His story illuminates by contrast the conviction of Sally that “the happiest times in our lives do not come from personal possession and wealth but rather they come from our relationships with our family and friends.”

Pres. Brown relates: “many men spend their lifetime accumulating this world's goods. . . but most men, if they live to old age, get a new sense of values, but too often it is too late.

An experience Pres. Brown had when he visited a very wealthy family friend emphasized this to him. At eighty years of age, his friend lay at death’s door. Said he: “as I thought of his divorced wife, of his five children, all of whom were estranged, and none of whom cared enough to come to the hospital to see him, as I thought of the things he had lost which money could not buy and noted his tragic situation and the depth of his misery, . . .I asked him what he considered the most important things in life, and if he would tell me as a young man how I could get the greatest riches and enjoy them when I grew old. This old gentleman, who died a few days later said: "As I think back over life the most important and valuable asset which I might have had but which I lost in the process of accumulating millions, was the simple faith my mother had in God and in the immortality of the soul."

He asked me to get a little book out of his briefcase and read a poem that he had marked, saying: I cannot answer you in better words than those used by the poet.  Will you read them to me?"  And as I read the following lines I thought it was he, not the poet, that was speaking, and I read:

"I'm An Alien"

"I'm an alien, to the faith my mother taught me.
I'm a stranger to the God that heard my mother when she cried.
I'm an alien to the comfort that, Now I lay me, brought me.
To the everlasting arms that held my father when he died.
When the great world came and called me, I deserted all to follow.
Never noting in my blindness I had slipped my hand from His,
Never dreaming in my dazedness that the bubble fame is hollow.
That the wealth of gold is tinsel, as I since have learned it is.
I have spent a lifetime seeking things I spurned when I found them,
I have fought and been rewarded in many a winning cause,
But I'd give it all, fame and fortune and the pleasure that surround them,
If I only had the Faith that made my mother what she was."

Continuing the Quest, pp 32-34

“That was the dying testimony of a man who was born in the Church but had drifted far from it.  That was the broken hearted cry of a lonely man who could have anything that money could buy, but who had lost the most important things of life [his faith in God, his wife, and five children] to accumulate this world's goods.  He realized as he lay upon his deathbed that he could not take any of it with him.

Sally knew the hollowness of this kind of life it was an article of her faith that “the happiest times in our lives do not come from personal possession and wealth but rather they come from our relationships with our family and friends.” And she urged her family to live by this standard. Consequently, none of her children, who follow her example, will be distracted by earthly possessions and transitory wealth. Early in her life she learned to make love and family a major article of her faith.

She showed her family that the essence of God’s good news is love, as God himself personifies. For, by love he extends to each of his children every blessing he has to offer, including peace, joy, and union with all other hearts who are open like theirs. Love is the great enabler: it harmonizes, strengthens, heals, knits broken hearts, embraces whatever arms cannot reach, and, fills families and society at large with a joy that never ends.

Sally knew her Father in heaven very well,enough to know that he, her all-wise and loving Parent, recognized her intimate needs and responded carefully to her regular prayers. She trusted him even when there were things that happened that she didn’t understand. But, she knew that He knew what was for her best, as this poem suggests. Let’s think of Sally counseling us thereby:

GOD KNEW THE BEST

Sometimes when all life's lessons have been learned and sun and stars forevermore have set, the things o'er which we grieved with lashes wet will flash before us out of life's dark night and we shall surely see, how, while he heeded not our cry, God's blessings go on as best for you and me because his wisdom to the end could see.

And, if some tender one of yours or mine is lying low, where loving kisses cannot reach her face, Oh, do not blame her loving Father so, but wear your sorrow with obedient grace, and you shall surely know that time alone is not the greatest boon God sends his friends.

And if we taste the wormwood and rebel and shrink, be sure a wiser hand than yours or mine pours out this potion for our lips to drink.

And if we find the lily and want to see it glow, don't force its petals open to see its beautify, time will reveal its calyxes of gold.

And in the great beyond, when all life's lessons have been learned, and we are quite content, then we shall surely know: God knew the best.

Another poem suggests that God is making greater beauty out of our lives than we can possibly imagine, simply because we cannot, at this point, see as he sees.

Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

--Anonymous

It is clear from the way Sally lived her life that she understood this very well. She trusted her Father in heaven to guide and direct her and oversee her life. She bowed her will to his both in life and very obviously in death. It is this, her faith in him, that is central to her articles of faith.

Another inscription above the door leading from her home reflects another article of her faith–the need to endure to the end. It is a message that confronts every person who departs. And, now that she’s gone, it remains as her personal challenge to those most dear to her. In it she and each of her loved ones can identify him or herself as a child of God who is stepping out of the comforting influence of home to engage life fully but doing it only on God’s terms: It says: “Enjoy your sojourn on earth, going forth with the power and knowledge that you are a child of God born to an eternal heritage of royalty. Return with honor.

This reminder to herself and loved ones, that each of them is a child of God, contains, as Marion G. Romney states, “the most important knowledge available to mortals.” She embraced this knowledge whole-heartedly and often sang with zest the words of the song: “I Am A Child of God and he has sent me here, has given me an earthly birth with parents kind and dear.” She knew, ever so strongly, that she had been blessed by having very special parents. And she wanted her children to know that they also had special parents in heaven. And, so, with all her love and strength, she strove to be a special parent to each of her precious children. And she often sang from the depth of her soul her testimony about who she really is: “I Am A Child of God.” These words, engraved on her heart, are obviously the words she wants her children to live by, fully recognizing that each of them is also a child of God.

She knew what Pres. Romney knew, that this knowledge affects “the aspirations, desires, and motivations” of all those who accept it. Conference Report, Apr. l973, p. l36. Emphasis added.)

Therefore, she knew that none of us is a nobody, that all of us, as children of God, are somebodies. And she applied this to her life, knowing, as Pres. Thomas S. Monson testified, that it is this knowledge that gives us the ability to “triumph over life’s difficulties and achieve our goals.” It is this knowledge that provides us with “a true perspective of who we really are! We are sons and daughters of a living God in whose image we have been created." (Pathways to Perfection, SLC, Deseret Book, 1979, p. 81.)

This knowledge gave meaning to everything she did. She felt that with her Father’s help, life held unlimited possibilities for her, and, from her heart she challenged each of her loved ones, who walks out her door: “Enjoy your sojourn on earth, going forth with the power and knowledge that you are a child of God born to an eternal heritage of royalty. Return with honor.”

THE ATONEMENT OF CHRIST

Another article of her faith was her awareness that she was accountable for her own sins and would be punished for any disobedience to divine law. But knowing her imperfection, she knew that she needed God’s help to overcome them. She knew the good news about Jesus and accepted it. She knew what Isaiah knew: that Christ would bear [her] griefs, and carry ]her] sorrows, that he would be “wounded for [her] transgressions” and “bruised for [her] iniquities,” that the “chastisement of [her] peace” would be laid on him; that “with his stripes ]she]” would be“healed.’ For, like all of us, she too had deviated to some degree from the right path. But, she knew that heavenly Father would see “the travail of [Christ’s] soul, and . . .be satisfied.”

It was his atonement wrought in her behalf, that made the forgiveness of her sins and the healing of her spirit possible. Specifically, she knew that because of him she could be forgiven of every single one of her sins, that she’d be washed as clean as if she had never sinned before. Then she would walk back into the presence of her Father, where no unclean thing can dwell. But, she’d dwell with him because she had been sanctified and cleansed of all sin. And she would be perfect, that is, complete and whole, even as God is a perfected man. For good reason, she believed in Christ. He is her King. With all her heart to him she sings. Oh it is wonderful that he should care for her enough to die for her. And, it’s also wonderful to us who grieve her loss to know that her faith in Christ and the saving principle of repentance are two other articles of her faith. And she repented so she could be forgiven. For she knew that God could forgive anything she could repent of. (Marion G. Romney)

She knew the key that opened the door to divine forgiveness was baptism and she received this gladly. This article of her faith was the sign she gave her Father in heaven that she would submit her will to his, telling him that she would be obedient to him in all things.

She was then given one of God’s greatest gifts–the Gift the Holy Ghost by which she gained a testimony, and was guided on the path that she walked on. Ultimately, it led her directly into the eternities as a faithful daughter of God and enabled her to do things she could never have done in her life with out receiving God’s help through the Holy Ghost.

She also believed in doing whatever is virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy. She sought after these things, as three words posted on the wall of her family room affirm. These are: SIMPLICITY, GOODNESS, TRUTH. These inclusive words reminded her and her family of the importance of all the virtues that are included in their domain. To be: “ honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and . . .[do] good to all men.”She believed in being friendly, wearing a perpetual smile to reflect her ready acceptance of all those around her.

Another article of her faith was her belief in everything “that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal,” and that He would yet “reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.”

Divine revelations taught her that obtaining blessings from God depended upon obedience to laws, that what holds true for the natural world holds true also for the eternal world. To receive a blessing one must “abide the law which was appointed for that blessing, and the conditions thereof.”

The blessing she wanted was for her marriage to last as long as her love lasts, that is, forever. The law governing this blessing is expressed in God’s new and everlasting covenant. One must be married by someone who holds the power of the priesthood so that what he seals on earth is bound in heaven. (D&C132:5 - 6) Therefore, the man who performed her binding ceremony must have been “called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to . . . administer in the ordinances thereof.” She received two necessary ordinances at their hands: her hold endowment and her temple marriage.

Having obeyed this law, she and Mike are bound to each other. But, so, too are Cara, Jeff and Alexa, Dallin and Tyler, Brighton, Alyssa, and Sarah. They are bound to each other by priesthood bonds that cannot be broken. And these bonds are validated by the bonds of love that can never be undone. She trusts that each of her children will feel that this law is so important that each of them will choose to obey the same law that she did so they too will be heirs to the promises that she is.

For God himself has promised and he keeps promises. Thus, the law that brings the blessing: “if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; [then they are heirs to his promise:] and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and . . . .shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths. . . .[then] it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever. Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them. Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory.

“For strait is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it, because ye receive me not in the world neither do ye know me. But if ye receive me in the world, then shall ye know me, and shall receive your exaltation; that where I am ye shall be also. This is eternal lives—to know the only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath sent. I am he. Receive ye, therefore, my law.” (D&C 132:19 - 24)

Sally received him in this life and having done what he did, she knows him, and she will receive her exaltation that where he is, she will be also.

With this magnificent promise in mind, Apostle Matthew Cowley said to a newly married couple: "You think you are happy today, but the happiness you are experiencing now does not compare with the happiness that you will have when you die. Just think how happy you are when a loved one comes home from the mission field, or the army, and then multiply that by a thousand times, and you will realize how happy you are when you die if you live righteously to obtain the blessings that you have been promised. Imagine how happy anybody is when her husband or his wife has gone on ahead, when that person dies and meets the person who has gone ahead.'" (Matthew Cowley: Man of Faith. page 170)

Can you imagine how happy she must be today to know that her death did not dissolve the ties that bind her to Mike, to Bob and Geri Oxborrow, and to Cara, Jeff, Alexa, Dallin, Tyler, Brighton, Alyssa, and Sarah (the princess). Can’t we imagine how grateful Mike is today to know that when he chose to marry such a choice lady, he made sure they were bound together by God’s true agents. No one ever knows when the time of parting will arrive. It’s better to do the binding on the day of marriage.

 It’s just a matter of time until the love he has for her comes to its fruition in the hereafter when he loves perfectly as God loves. When he feels divine love, then, as Lehi testified, he will experience the choicest, the most exquisite feeling that any divine person can experience.

RESURRECTION

Sally’s body lies bruised and broken within this casket. But, on this day, she knows she cannot experience a fullness of joy until this broken body is perfected and inseparably connected to her spirit. For, another article of her faith sheds a brilliant light on the future status of her wounded and heavily damaged body. She knows that spirit and body will be “reunited again in its perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame, even as we now are at this time; . . . .[and that when this happens] there shall not so much as a hair of [her head be lost]; but every thing shall be restored to its perfect frame, as it is now, or in the body.” (Alma 11:42 - 44)

Mortal death brings mortality to its end. But life continues, Sally is as vibrant and alive and smiling and happy today as she ever was. The only sorrow she must feel now is caused by knowing that loved ones hurt so much. Undoubtedly she would like to reassure them that she is alright, and that they have all the strength and love they need to satisfy the deepest desires of their hearts and that each of them with God’s help will survive with their faith in God and love for each other all intact. For they will find strength in his glorious gospel, his good news, his holy Comforter, and the sustaining power that loved ones and friends provide them to weather this severe storm that is troubling their lives.

In the upper room with his disciples during his last night on earth, Jesus did what God typically does. He comforted those who believed in him, knowing the trauma that lay ahead for them. They knew he was the Messiah and this meant to them that he had come to set up God’s kingdom on earth. But he knew that before he could do this, he would be taken violently from their midst and they would be overwhelmed by confusion–how could this happen to the One they knew to be a God? He tried to prepare them for this eventuality by saying: “Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. . . .I [am going] to prepare a place for you.” (John 14:1 - ) He then promised them his ultimate comfort, the gift of the Holy Ghost: Said he; “I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; . . . ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” ( John 14:16 - 18)

The Holy Ghost is God’s ultimate Comforter. God does not leave us comfortless. He comes into hearts so that things that cannot be explained are somehow accepted, because God provides peaceful assurance that all is well. His comfort brings a spirit of peace to troubled hearts and minds, his peace is the peace that passeth understanding. This comfort is the first and last resort for those of us who mourn. May it be richly felt by every one of the Oxborrow family and their loved ones.

In conclusions, let me say to Mike’s family and the other Oxborrows: your wife, mother, sister, and daughter is not dead. She is as much alive today as she was two weeks ago. Her nine-year old daughter Sarah learned this powerful truth when she recently dreamed about her mother. She said that she and other children were going to a picture show. Everyone of their mothers was invited to come. The mothers of all the other girls came, but not hers. She was the only one there who didn’t have a mother and she started to cry because she thought her Mother was dead. But, her Mother appeared to her and told her not to cry, she was not dead, she was alive. And, then, in her dream, they embraced and she awoke sobbing.

Heavenly Father taught this special truth to Sarah so she would know what he knows–that her mother is not dead. The spirit always lives. Her mother is active and busy doing many things to prepare for the time when they will join her. In the meantime God will provide his special comfort in his own way to every member of this precious, expanded family.

In the meantime, Sally as always is facing her new life with zest. Hopefully after visiting us here as we memorialize her and ponder on the greatness of God’s love and his wonderful Plan, she’ll engage life there with her Father and Aunt Edith in its totality. They three must be very excited to undertake their new way of life together. In particular, she must be filling out her new agenda very eagerly as she anticipates getting involved in all the wonderful things that will engage her there in that special world. It is just a matter of time until her family will be reunited with her, nevermore to be separated throughout all the eternities that lie ahead. A good life awaits her there because she and her companions all knew while they were on earth that God’s good news is true.

There can’t really be any doubt in the heart of any of us, that Sally lived the kind of life that Paul described. Didn’t she fight the good fight, didn’t she finish the course. Therefore, isn’t there a crown laid up for her in heaven. For, as Elder McConkie used to say: if we are on the path that leads back to God then we are on the way to divine perfection and we will receive his wonderful reward.

For, as he promised: “it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them. And again it shall come to pass that he that hath faith in me to be healed, and is not appointed unto death, shall be healed.” “D & C 42:46" Death must have been sweet to all of those who died in that accident, they did not taste of death.

There is a God in heaven who is our Father. He plans to make us into perfect, whole beings like he is. He succeeds when we follow his directions. Sally had specific articles of her faith by which she lived her life and she did it by following his directions. We who want to live with her must do the same.

She would be very unhappy if a single chair were empty in her family circle when her family sits down together over there. And so she challenged them:

“Enjoy your sojourn on earth, going forth with the power and knowledge that you are a child of God born to an eternal heritage of royalty `But with no exceptions, there was her charge: “RETURN WITH HONOR” We know that she did. Therefore, “blessed are they who are faithful and endure, whether in life or in death, for they shall inherit eternal life.” (D & C 50:5)

I know the Gospel is true and that the things we’ve talked about today are true.

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.